I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Vodka?
Forever.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
