If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
