Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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