Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
