I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
