so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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