escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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