That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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