The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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