I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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