Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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