its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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