i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
