He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
