So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
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