Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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