Whatcha textin bout Willis?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
