How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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