OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
