You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
