I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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