i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
