I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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