we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
