its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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