omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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