i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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