how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
