Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
