gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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