he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
