I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
