Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
