Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
