wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
worst night to have a conscience
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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