I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I still have a little drunk in my system
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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