Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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