Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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