What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
well you can't waste a boner
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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