Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
