Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
