I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
