i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
