Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Do vagina's smell?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
