Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I FOUND THE LEGS
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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