No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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