i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
