I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
