Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
