the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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