he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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