I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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