Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
